Help! This dogs getting me.

Help! This dogs getting me.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Hello

I have to say... this is my first time writing on the blog since baby Jameson went to be with Jesus. I said that I was not going to write again but the Lord pressed upon my heart to share more of our lives with you. I am not sure how we are doing. People ask all of the time, how are you and I say "Just fine". What those words mean are....I am not sure how I am. The emotions are different each day. And sometimes I have NO emotions at all. The roller coaster of peace and pain comes often. I have NEVER experienced so much peace from Jesus. And on the other hand, the pain is so overwhelming at times. The great sense of loss is tremendous!!! Jesus gained an amazing baby in heaven and I lost that same baby. I miss Jameson very much. I know that God understands my pain. He lost a Son too.... and for His loss... my son now is with His Son. That is what gets me through the pains and when I remember that... the peace comes. Thank you Jesus for knowing my every emotion and YOU are GOOD all of the time.

Our family just went on a vacation. It was the boys spring break and we went to the mountains of North Carolina. We had a great time together. We fished, hiked and canoed. It was soooo cold and the boys did not want to wear jackets. They are such Florida boys....shorts and flip flops are all they know. The time together was good and Todd and I were able to look into the boys eyes and see how they were really doing. The boys seem to be handling all this really good. Zachary wants to talk about everything. He wants to listen to the music that was played at the memorial service all of the time. And he wants to tell us what he remembers about Jameson at the hospital. Zacahry is very open and really does not want to forget his baby brother. I overheard a conversation the boys were having and Zachary said to Nicholas, "Jameson will always be our brother". Nicholas just said "I know". Nicholas is the quiet one....he doesn't really talk that much about Jameson. He will listen and say a little but not very much. His personality is to think and process his emotions internally. I sometimes get a little nervous about that but....I cannot change who he is. It is a really good thing that Nicholas and Zachary are different. Zacahary's strengths are coming out (very talkative and expressive) and I believe that this is helping Nicholas process his thoughts. Just as long as their brother is being talked about...there is comfort for all of us. I have such a fear that we will forget about Jameson and that we will stop talking about him. Zachary is the one who will NOT let us stop talking about Jameson....and that makes me happy. Nicholas and his quiet strength seems to be leading him to an amazing place....he prays differently because of our loss. Nicholas's prayers are more for others and less for self. He is growing up and maturing right infront of our eyes. The boys are becoming little men who know what it is like to suffer the loss of a baby brother and see how God can use both of their strengths to help heal our family.

I will never look at life the same. When I really think about the verse that says "ALL things work together for GOOD"....something, I veiw as painful...God turns around for GOOD. We will NEVER know on this side of heaven all of the GOOD that has been brought about by a little boy with a very bad skin disease. But I stand on the truth that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I am not sure what to do about the blog...do I keep writing and keeping you guys up to date on us or what? I guess we will just know. I cannot tell you how much all of you guys have meant to us and how often God used you through this blog to encourage us. There were days when God spoke to us through your words. You guys are so loved by us and the prayers you prayed for us were ALL answered.

Love,
Melisa

10 comments:

jennifer said...

Thanks once again for sharing with us! Chris and Nicklaus and I keep praying for you all daily and check your blog for updates. I pray God continues to bless you and your family. We think about Jameson all the time! He is having a great time in Heaven!
love you all,
Jennifer

rebecca said...

I check on your blog every couple of days just hoping that there will be something there. Because I don't know you very well, I hesitate to call and "bother" you. Yet, I want to know how you're doing and it is good to read your honest words. Thank you for the update. Our family is still praying for you. I love to log on and see Jameson's sweet little face. He is such a light. We will never forget this time. God is doing so much within the body of Christ. I am thankful to Him for allowing me to have a glimpse of His almighty power through people like you and Todd. You have been so gracious and so transparent. I knew you must have been out of town when the past couple of Sunday's I'd look up at where you sit on the ramp and you weren't there. It was such an encouragement to look up each week and see you and Todd standing with your arms raised to Heaven, worshipping. I can't find the words to express the comfort it gave me to see you and know that you were going to be okay.
Love,
Rebecca McKee

Stacey said...

2 Corinthians 4:7 - We have this treasure in earthen vessels that the suprassing greatness of power be from God, and not ourselves (my loose translation!)

My dear sweet girl,
When the vessel is completely broken, it has a greater opportunity for the love and light of The Lord to shine through. Oh, how I see that in you. Real, broken and sitting right at the foot of the cross. We see Him through you so brilliantly. Don't doubt that and know that I am praying my heart out for you.

Much love,
Stacey

setsma said...

Thank you for sharing your heart once again, Melisa. You know how much we love you and pray for you.

Aunt Lynn

J'Aime said...

I think and pray for you often, thanks for sharing your heart. J'Aime

Jackie said...

hey melisa-
i don't know if you read angie smith's blog or not but she had the sweetest post tonight. here's the link...

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2009/04/unredeemed.html

we are still praying for you, todd and the boys. i miss your sweet baby and love seeing his baby blues on your blog. i would love to get together this week if you have time.

much love,
jackie harmon

The Herrenbrucks said...

dear friend,
i do not know you, but came to your blog from a friends. i cannot possibly imagine you loss - i can imagine it as i too have a little one, but i cannot imagine what you are going through. PRAISE our FATHER that you know HIM and that you are able to walk through this with HIM. I have no idea how those who do not know Him get through seasons like the one you are walking through right now. your baby boy was a gift and such a cutie pie. just know that there are others out there, that you don't even know, who are praying for you and are encouraged by your faith as you walk with Jesus.

KToens said...

Thank you Melisa and Todd for sharing so much of your life with us. It has been difficult to walk this journey with you and yet I can't begin to imagine the pain that you have gone through. I have no input on your blog only to say that I do check it to see how you guys are doing. I have learned so much through you and this experience. You guys have been such a source of encouragement to me. Thank you for allowing me to tag along on the journey!!
Love you guys!!

The Snyders said...

You both are truly inspiring. I am sure Jameson is telling GOD everyday how wonderful his family on earth was. I could only imagine how difficult this time has been, but I thank you everyday for sharing your experience and allowing us to see Jameson in his glory.

God Bless!!!
Marvin, Denise, and Jackson Snyder

froggieang said...

Hi guys, I'm not sure if you listen to Mandisa at all...but she just released a new CD that had a song on it that makes me think of you. It was written for a baby that was actually a stillborn but the meaning of the song, "if you could see me now" ... if you could just see Jameson now...playing in Heaven, with no sores, no pain...how peaceful that would make you feel. This song was written from the prespective of the child. I thought you might like to read the lyric's. Google the song...I cry every time I hear it. Our family will continue to pray for you.

In His Love,
Angela Petroff
Thomasville, NC

Lyrics - You Wouldn't Cry
You Wouldn't Cry (Andrew's Song)

All you saw was pain
All you saw was rain
But you should see me now

Moments filled with tears
Lasted all those years
Disappeared some how

You never said goodbye
On your knees you cry
You're still asking why

But blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise

A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today

What you think you see
Isn't really me
I'm already home

You've got to lay it down
'Cause Jesus holds me now
And I am not alone

Your faith is wearing thin
But I am watching Him
And He is holding you too

And blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise

A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today
You wouldn't cry for me today

Oh what may seem like years
Will just be a moment
Oh the day will come
When I'll show you where you're going
I can't wait to show you

And blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise

A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today
You wouldn't cry for me today